God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
look no pants
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
50% drunk capacity currently
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
