You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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