so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
