I swear she didn't look like that last week.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
