a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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