That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
