just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
