I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
