Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
