Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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