She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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