and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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