How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
