You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
