how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
