I must be too annoying 4 u.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
