Ambien. No doubt about it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
