Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
