Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
