Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
