you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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