p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
