I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
