o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
