Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
