he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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