Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
