it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
