On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
