I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
