I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
