I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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