We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
