As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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