What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
