He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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