Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
