I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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