i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
