i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
