onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
