Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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