Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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