We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
