Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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