So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
