I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
