I seem to have left my pride at pride
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
