Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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