I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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