it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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