hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
