at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
