jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
