my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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