He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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