You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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