Can i not drive my cunt home
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
