go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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