cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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