I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
