Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
