He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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