Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
