Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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