How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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