So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
