Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
