So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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