woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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