Sacagawea was the original milf.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
