You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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