mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
