we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
