More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
