Me. At least after what I've been through.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
