You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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