At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
