I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
