and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
