Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize