We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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