And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
