On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
