she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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